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15 year old teen boy in question.

Generally good kid but minor annoyances here and there

coming & going without saying hello (sometimes).

missing please/thank you (sometimes).

speaking courteously to parents (2/3 times in general, particularly to mum).

concentrating on study during study time rather than multitasking chat + study.

By boomerang effect the meaning was, we tend to micromanage him a little, and as he grows older are finding it is starting to just bounce off him and the harder we try the more it just comes back in the opposite direction like a boomerang.

He gets frustrated when told off and says stop lecturing me & clearly wants to be left to his own devices in terms of studies and other areas but we are just trying to help.

How do you balance telling a kid what to do vs developing their character to be self sufficient?

He has this year & next to finish highschool and get university entrance so we are really pressuring him to study as much as possible to get accepted into whichever degree he chooses (currently undecided but likes science field).

He has bursts where he will study a lot, then cools off and does very little. It's inconsistent.

Any good articles on this?

pablorenato
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2 Answers2

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I think there are two factors in play that caused what you observe. His personal motivation and your parental motivation.

He is at an age where he really needs to start doing things on his own initiative. He also needs to realize that slacking off has consequences and it is usually better to learn it in high school than post secondary.

Have a talk with him and aim to stop micromanaging him and let his initiative play out, and also tell him that he will be responsible for his actions. You need to make sure that he experiences failure and learn how to overcome them, because life will be like that.

Nelson
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Stop worrying as much about his manners. Missing "please" or "thank you" hardly seems like the end of the world. As a high schooler, he has a lot on his plate right now, and your fussing over manners is only adding to the pile. Try going easy on him for a while.

user3932000
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